Archive for the ‘Evil Children’ Category

Oh dear, oh deer, oh deee are.

Lin-Lin wanted what I thought was going to be a new friend.  Little did I know.  She did not have the best of intentions.

Who, me? Mais je suis the picture of innocence!

Who, me? Mais je suis the picture of innocence!

Lin-Lin brought me the glue.

She brought me the glass.  She even broke the glass.

I was starting to get suspicious–what is it you want me to do, child?

“Lay out that baby and start gluin’!” was the reply.

I lied to that baby:

I lied to that baby: “Pretend it’s just a day at the beach!”

What can I say; I’m pretty obedient.

Anytime you find yourself gluing shards of glass to a baby, perhaps you should start to question your actions.

I didn’t.

Not until we started getting into more… compromising positions.

One of those compromising positions... I'm not sure this is legal.

One of those compromising positions… I’m not sure this is legal.

Just what was I doing?

Well, honestly, I didn’t know.  When we first started this, ahem, “project” (for want of a better term), I tried hot glue.  (Ouch, ouch, ouch, says the baby!)  But I found that when gluing glass to plastic, hot glue doesn’t cut it.  It didn’t harm either the glass or the plastic, but it wasn’t so very permanent, either.  Not even half-so.  I had glued a large section to the baby, shifted position to hold a dried glued-glass area, and the shards started to shift and come off.  Hot glue: just too malleable.

Lin-Lin brought me the Liquid Fusion, recommended by my very own Vegebrarian (owner of the Etsy shop InciteDelight).  While not as permanent as some goopier items (I was able to later remove a shard or two when the poor baby could not completely lower her arm), this glue is less likely to kill you while you sleep (always a plus!).

What were you doing at 3am?  Um, yeah, I was breaking shards of glass off a baby with needle-nose pliers.

Shhh, don't tell the neighbors

Shhh, don’t tell the neighbors

When I was done with that, and half-done with the gluing, Lin-Lin demanded I learn to make fish scales out of yarn.  Attempt one: failed.  Attempt two: stole bits and bobs from an old hat pattern and commandeered them to make…

Lin-Lin, what AM I making?

Ta Da 2

Ta Da!

Really?  This is what I was making this whole time?

But honestly, when I was done, I was glad Lin-Lin was so task-mastery.

I still fear for this baby’s life, though.  Lin-Lin can’t be trusted.




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My dear friend Lin-Lin has some… hobbies.  In particular, she likes to change people.  Often from the outside in.  Some things to keep in mind:

Scissors just won’t cut it.

Yous gots to get the right instructions.

Yous gots to get the right instructions.

No matter how careful you are, their innards are going to get all over.

Babies is tougher than I thought!

Babies is tougher than I thought!

Every person is held together with zip ties, which is annoying.

You’re going to need lots of patience–and wire cutters.

What'm I gonna do with this piece?

What’m I gonna do with this piece?

The body you’re dismembering will jerk and twitch and make funny faces just like it’s alive.

All wored out, I gots to take a nap.

All wored out, I gots to take a nap.

Pictures can be used against you in a court of law.

Don’t be tempted to keep souvenirs.

Rock on!

Rock on!

Your accomplice will always betray you.

Phew! Never thoughts I'd finish. But now the clean-up starts.

Phew! Never thoughts I’d finish. But now the clean-up starts.

Rebuilding someone from the leftovers is not art.

Are you really prepared to see what your friends are made of?


You can follow Lin-Lin on Twitter @LinLinAndPedro but I’m just not sure she’s a nice girl.



**PS: Lin-Lin’s in a book… but if you call her a “dolly” that’s extremely rude, disparaging, and she’ll kick your ass.  Until then, she’s looking for an agent and pretending she’s got a halo.  (Oooh, shiny!)

***PPS: Copyright for photos and text belong to Dawn Wilson and shan’t be used without permission.

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