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Archive for September, 2008

I made it!  Barely.  My “chaperone” was four hours late, my plane “missed” Chicago the first time around, and the coach… was distressing.  But I am somehow in another country, which reminds me a lot of Nebraska. 

Orientation today, most of the students were Japanese for the international orientation. 

We’ll see how long until I fall into the River Avon.

night,

dawn

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Is that a gray hair…

…or is your government playing paintball with your head?

night,

dawn

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Playing darts with my hairpins

Shouldn’t it all be easier?  What’s the point of lighting all the hoops?  Do the dogs have fun?  Or is it just sadistic on the part of the watchers/creators? 

Ah, good question, says one of the show dogs.  It’s her first time through the wringer, and she’s barely surviving.  The end seems to justify the means.  Anything worth doing is worth the trouble. 

But at which point do you say, Enough!  It’s not meant to be?

I’m supposed to be at school in a week.  Less than a week.  I was supposed to be on my first solo trip–overdoing it a bit, yes–and going to grad school.  A dream.  Elusive.  Dreams, meant to be caught?  Why do I think I deserve this more than anyone else?  Can I see the future?  Will I do better at this than anyone else?  Will I be able to live up to my own expectations? 

Why did you accept me when no one else will?  Do you believe in me, or was it just because you had enough spaces, you could let the poor girl have a little hope?

“The cruelest thing they can give guys like you–is hope.”  –The Replacements. 

I got laughed at by the State Department.  Everyone else thinks it’s cool for me to have this dream, and some of them actually want to help.  Some just want to stand by.  Some don’t want me to go.  Some are skeptical.  Some will do anything for me to succeed. 

Was this laughter an anecdote of bureaucracy?  The true face?  That government is not there for the little guy?  That when you’re having trouble, they sit on you and laugh? 

Or am I really that stupid?

night,

dawn

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Who, me?

night,

dawn

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